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Chris | Fire Tock

A dedication to Dead baby Joke.com, http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/dbj_001.htm


  • 1. What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?

When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

  • 2. What do you call a live baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Screwed. What do you call a dead one? Seaweed

  • 3. How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?

Nail its other hand to the floor

  • 4. How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends how hard you throw them

  • 5. What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a trash compactor.

  • 6. What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?

One is legal to hit with an AX.

  • 7. How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?

With a blender!

  • 8. How do you get them out again?

With tortilla chips!!!

  • 9. How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?

Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

  • 10. What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?

A baby shot through a snow blower.

  • 11. Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?

So you can see the expression on its face!

  • 12. What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?

Stopping it with a shovel.

  • 13. Why did the baby fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead!

  • 14. What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

  • 15. What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?

A baby with a punctured lung.

  • 16. What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?

Ripping them off again.

  • 17. Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?

I don't know why they didn't either.

  • 18. Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?

So you can tell which ones are still alive.

  • 19. What's present do you get for a dead baby?

A dead puppy.

  • 20. How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?

It depends on how hard you squeeze them.

  • 21. What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?

A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

  • 22. Why did the baby fall off the swing?

Because it had no arms or legs.

  • 23. How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?

4 1/2.

  • 24. What is pink and red and sits in a corner?

A baby chewing on razor blades.

  • 25. What do vegetarian ogres eat?

Cabbage patch kids.

  • 26. What's red, screams and goes around in circles?

A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.

  • 27. What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?

Twins in an acid bath.

  • 28. What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?

A watermelon floats.

  • 29. What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?

A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

  • 30. What is the definition of revenge?

A baby with a dog in its mouth.

  • 31. How are babies and the elderly alike?

Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

  • 32. What bounces up and down at 100mph?

A baby tied to the back of a truck.

  • 33. What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?

Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

  • 34. What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?

Making a bong out of it

  • 35. What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?

A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

  • 36. What's small, and red, and full of holes?

A baby on a bed of nails.

  • 37. What do you call a baby on a stick?

A Kebabie.

  • 38. Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?

So you can pick them up five at a time

  • 39. What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?

A bus load of babies on fire.

  • 40. What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?

One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

  • 41. What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

  • 42. When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?

When it starts talking to you again.

  • 43. What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?

A baby in a microwave.

  • 44. What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?

One live one in the middle is eating its way out.

  • 45. What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?

Nailing it to a dead puppy.

  • 46. How do you get a baby to run faster?

Chase it with the lawn mower.

  • 47. What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?

Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.

  • 48. What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.

You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

  • 49. What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?

Sticking pins in their eyes.

  • 50. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.

  • 51. If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is

around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

  • 52. What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!

  • 53. What's sicker than driving over a baby?

Skidding.

  • 54. How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

  • 55. Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?

It was hit by a truck. What's red and can't turn around in a hallway? A baby with a javelin through it's head.

What's green and can't turn around in a hallway? The same baby 2 weeks later.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume.

How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it's head.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What's grosser than gross? A garbage can full of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

What's grosser than that? He has to eat his way to freedom.

What's grosser than that? He goes back for more.

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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